


How to Hoover Your Housecat

by For-Chan Cookie (ForChanCookie)



Series: Post Traumatic Cat Disorder [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cats, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cat Dwalin, Cat Thorin, Cats, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3309755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForChanCookie/pseuds/For-Chan%20Cookie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bofur needs to vacuum. Dwalin won't move. It all works out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Hoover Your Housecat

**Author's Note:**

> A short little adventure of life with cats. Here's your inspirational picture, even though it's not a Maine Coon. It is a cat enjoying a quick vacuuming.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Move you great lump,” Bofur said, reaching over to nudge the cat that was sleeping in a beam of sunlight on the couch. The only reason he dared to touch the cat was because it was Dwalin. He wasn’t sure where Thorin was, but he was probably trying to get attention from Bilbo while Bofur was otherwise occupied. Even though Thorin had calmed down considerably since Dwalin came into the picture, he still didn’t like Bofur much and took swipes at him when the opportunity arose. 

Dwalin flicked his tattered ear, but other than that he didn’t move. 

“Come on buddy. You laying up here means a deposit of fur left behind to get on our clothes. It’s time to vacuum.” He held up the vacuum threateningly. 

Dwalin flicked his ear again, but just continued to soak up the sun. Sometimes, Bofur was almost convinced that cats were solar powered, but he’d seen the way Dwalin ate. Not to mention that solar powered cats probably didn’t need litter boxes. While Dwalin and Thorin went outside now and then, they were still mainly indoor cats with a litter box that needed regular scooping. It was definitely one of Bofur’s least favorite chores when he was helping Bilbo tidy up around the house. 

“You brought this upon yourself,” he informed the cat as he turned on the vacuum and began to clean around the cat. Dwalin remained unmoved, only opening an eye to glance at him before closing it again. Dwalin was such an unflappable cat; it was amazing how stubborn he was. “I’m going to have to vacuum you if you don’t move.” When the cat continued to lay there, Bofur tentatively moved the nozzle of the vacuum to suck at Dwalin’s fur. 

He expected Dwalin to jump off the couch as if scalded. That’s what Thorin tended to do when the vacuum cleaner came out, hence his absence. Instead, the big cat continued to lay there, letting Bofur vacuum him. “You are unbelievable,” he commented as Dwalin rolled over onto his back so Bofur could vacuum his belly. “Thorin would kill me for my insolence if I dared to do this to him. And there you are rolling around so I’ll get the best spots. Ridiculous.”

“Bofur, have you seen the…” Bilbo trailed off as he got a good look at what his boyfriend was doing. “What are you doing?”

“Vacuuming the cat,” he called back. “He likes it.”

“If he hasn’t moved, I suppose he does,” Bilbo said. He looked down as Thorin trotted in, rubbing against his legs happily. “Thorin would never allow that.”

“Don’t I know it,” Bofur said with a chuckle. 

Thorin glanced at him and yowled. Then he seemed to realize what Bofur was doing and hissed in alarm before charging over, ready to save his friend from the evil human thief with his evil sucking noise machine!

Alarmed, Bofur hopped back, taking the vacuum with him and holding it out to fend Thorin off. Thorin hissed and Dwalin got up and shook himself off like a wet dog before he hopped down onto the floor between Bofur and Thorin. Thorin looked at Dwalin and mewed questioningly. Dwalin leaned forward and licked Thorin’s nose, assuring him that he was fine. Then he trotted past Thorin and headed into the kitchen to haunt the food dish. Thorin glared up at Bofur before turning to follow Dwalin. 

Bofur let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. “Crisis averted. Looks like I get to live another day.”

Bilbo looked about to argue, still unconvinced that Thorin was trying to kill him, despite his many brushes with death at the cat’s evil paws. Instead he shook his head and nodded to the couch. “You missed a spot.”

Bofur stuck his tongue out as he turned the vacuum back on and began to clean the spot that Dwalin had been laying on.


End file.
